I vidje Bog da je iPod dobar.
And of course Jesus gets his iPods wholesale, given how he and Steve Jobs go way back, back to the time when Jobs was a scruffy twentysomething geek ever praying for revelation and God finally gave Jesus the green light to inspire the first Mac.
But here's the interesting thing. You might think Jesus would be all about the cheeseball holy music. All about only caring for tunes that praise him and him alone and no one else but him because hey, the only music that's truly acceptable is music that celebrates God, right?
Wrong. Just look. See? There's Jesus, rolling his eyes.
See, Jesus knows true worship, true spirit, has nothing to do with giving away your sense of self to some angry bearded deity who will just as easily love you as smack you down and condemn you to hellfire for all eternity with no access to chocolate or HBO or old AC/DC records.
Jesus knows this Big Obvious Secret: All music celebrates God, because God is merely another word for life and life is merely another word for "hot divine energy force" and "hot divine energy force" is merely another word for, well, "Steven Tyler." So there you go.
Jesus does indeed do musicals. Jesus is all over the "Hair" soundtrack, for one (he blasts "Good Morning Starshine" whenever he makes waffles on Sunday mornings). "Les Miz" stirs his holy revolutionary heart. "Jesus Christ Superstar" makes him a little giddy, despite how he secretly thinks Andrew Lloyd Webber is best left to the slavering minions of the underworld, right along with, you know, Mariah Carey. And Toby Keith. Celine Dion. And absolutely, positively Shania Twain. Hell, even Jesus has limits.
Got a tune you truly believe is on Jesus' iPod? Send me your song suggestions and a brief reason why you think it's on Jesus' iPod, and if I receive sufficient replies I might just run it in a follow-up column. Send suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org no later than May 3, or by the Second Coming, whichever comes first.
P.S. Ja imam Creative MuVo.